To Eva

Dear Eva,
I get it now. I always used to think your "I close my eyes when music is playing because it helps me see" was just a romantic line of yours, you've always loved to make everything poetic. But I get it now, I do. I closed my eyes and saw him. And I swear to you, when I opened them, it was only him. I saw everything, Eva. The way the ghost of a smile would come across his lips at a certain part, or the way his fingers would slightly move of their own accord, I know he can't help it. Hell I even kept imagining what would go on in his head, does he miss someone? Does he ache?
You know how when you're longing for someone so much that you start imagining them everywhere? I don't even need to close my eyes anymore. I miss you. I've been thinking too much, too too much it's getting suffocating, I even had this letter in my drawer for three days, thinking, again, too much about whether am I gonna add in what I am going to write now or not. I don't know what's wrong with me, Eva. Or maybe I do, I know my principle problem, I keep everything unresolved and I bury them, the thing is they never settle, they jump back at me with so intensely I can't take it. I fall, I fall and I fall and I fall, harder each time. I am always scared of my next fall. In fact, I think I am approaching my next fall, I am approaching my next breaking point and I don't know what to do, I choke on my words, it's like I have this unbreachable wall, and if even I can't push through, how can anyone? Don't worry, darling, I am not asking you for answers; consider this is one of the bottle letters that never reach anyone. How have you been? How many times have you fallen in love since we last talked? Tell me all about it.
Love always,