Thursday 9 May 2019

To Nick (2)

Someone was talking to me about being in love with life, and I remembered you. I think I've been falling back in love a little with life lately, but I hadn't realized that until that person told me. She said it with a passion I rarely see with anyone, and it's the kind of passion that's contagious. When you light a firework, there's always this tiny spark that jumps out first before it's actually afire; that's how I felt then; like this tiny spark has jumped out, grabbed me, and ignited me. What struck me is that it's not anything grand; it's not about how the stars align, or the beautiful sunsets, or even being in love with a person. She said it comes to her in the mundanest of moments, like listening to a song with someone in the car. You don't necessarily like the song, it's actually a really bad song, but you're alive, and the person next to you is alive and it all feels into place. Years later, you'd look back and remember that one bad song in a car with someone you love. It's enticing and awe-inspiring. Life is still one huge mystery to me; it's excruciating and tender, it's beautiful and gruesome. And I am not here to contemplate it. However, I believe that in between all of those moments, those tiny flashes of time, there's this one spark that grabs you and compels you to fall in love with it. I've been getting a lot of those lately despite the uncertainty. It seems so unfamiliar, like something so distant, perhaps that's why I did not realize it. It still fills me with so much gratitude and serenity, and I thought that I'd like to keep this, as a reminder maybe, that it's not all bad, it's not all excruciatingly gruesome or lonely or confusing, even if it's something as short and fleeting as a moment, I'd still like to hold on to it. That's why I came to you, please keep this for me, and for you. Let this be our "Hey Jude".

Yours always,

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